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無事呻吟的生活紀錄. 所有的淡定, 都會漸漸把日子推進.

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  • 3月 21 週三 200713:34
  • 2006 Count Down.Depressing? Or Surprising?

It's the last day of this year 2006 at office. Wow, one year sure pass fast... Well, at the end of one year there's always the countdown. Who are you going to spend the last second with? Usually I would imagine to spend with people worthwhile.
Couple years before when I was still in highschool; yes that is long time ago..., I spent the New Year Countdowns with either my friends (at parties) or my family (at home watching television countdown which I love to do...) I have never seen any point of going to Count Down Parties hosted by Televsion Companies. I certainly do not enjoy counting down with a bunch of crowds I am totally not familiar with.
When I was in SFU, I remember countdowns I spent with close friends and people who I care and care for me. That is a meaningful countdown. Cuddle every vanishing second together with close friends.
During my work times in LA, I remember one year countdown. I was invited to a New Year Party (of course those huge ones hosted by big marketing companies) with new "LA" friends at the Mayfair Hotel (If I remember correctly) in Hollywood. You went in, you saw a bunch of people, you pay a lot, you drink cheap punch of paid beverage (alcohol) and you social with your friends or try to pick up someone. That was in a small ballroom full of people. A bunch of people I don't know. That is one of the WORST countdowns I've ever been to. I HATE spending countdowns with unfamiliar people. The last second of a year should be with people who really care for you and who you really care for. That is the opening of one year!
Last year, I spent my countdown at a little cat coffee shop in Taipei with Michael (my brother) and friends from Junior Chamber of Commerce in Taipei. Well, I was soooooo busy for work and traveling to China. So, that was fine. Spending with pretty good friends and my work. Hoping for next year.
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maplejune69 發表在 痞客邦 留言(0) 人氣(1)

  • 個人分類:飄楓若語
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  • 3月 21 週三 200713:33
  • 被"火.星.人"環繞

有些人在這世界上, 真的是無法被了解的...
很多舉動, 很多想法... 都不是一般的道德觀理念來尋走的. 或許這就是為什麼有很多人就是喜歡不規則圖形吧! 原來... 如此...
做了的事, 可以不奇怪. 做錯了的事, 可以心無掛礙. 做影響到他人的事, 可以依樣我行我素. 到底, 是真的那些人不懂嗎? 是天真嗎? 還是就是如此堅持呢? 還是持有真的完全與社會長久傳流代下的倫理完全背道而馳的觀念嗎? 孔, 孟, 莊... 改寫吧!
有些人在這世界上, 真的是無法被了解的...
換個念頭想想, 可能, 真的是他們無辜的想法吧! 我, 還繞在這迷宮裡. 我, 還是無法理解...
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  • 個人分類:飄楓若語
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  • 3月 21 週三 200713:24
  • Train Rides to the North Pole

Well, one normal working afternoon in Taiwan... I woke up from lunch naps and opened the MSN Messenger window again. I saw poor Cat having this funny title: "Dear Rudolf can you please stop by my house and pick me up to the North Pole". The title was something like that I couldn't remember the exact wording. So I decided to step in to reveal a secret to this poor soul. The below is posted on Catriona's Blog. So thank Cat for doing the organizing :)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 轉載自Catriona's Blog http://cchengd.spaces.live.com/PersonalSpace.aspx?_c02_owner=1
December 20
Dear Rudolf
In the midst of my can-be-somewhat-stressful-at-times job for the past little while, I changed my MSN caption to "Dear Rudolf..would you please drop by and take me to the North Pole" wishfully thinking that maybe I can receive a complimentary reality-delete treatment on top of a cure for brain freeze...Katy responds by the following...
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  • 個人分類:飄楓若語
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  • 3月 21 週三 200713:23
  • The Bridge between Understanding.and.Realizing Life

I know my title is not making sense. Fact is, I am not making sense already at 10:25pm. I am very sleepy. These days, I realize what I thought was "fine" is a little bit "unfine". I understand the work is busy, I understand we put so much effort, I also understand I start to live with people who are not my family members (you and one other member). I had my hands high up in the air saying of course this is the way it has to be. Now, I am hesitating. Was I not thinking clearly enough to really understand myself? Or was this time of life just a period of getting used to the next stage of life.
Of course Wednesdays is a weekday and the chance of dining together is minimal to city people like us. (Weekends is not any better anyways cause it's always with a bunch of people as well) Good, it's the days of inviting friends out for a nice dinner and vice versa. There is fact a small voice saying: "oh, it might be nice if we can go out together." My dinners and probably most of you are too are filled with still old time friends, still very lovable parents and myself in the office or myself with myself.
Of course we still all have to work for some glorious purpose like enrich and find a competitive life for our inner self. Translating to reality vocabulary is to recieve sufficient fund for our living. So I battle the sleepiness every single day despite the fact that none of the hormones and nerves is right because of you know what. I do try very hard and I try to not sound like complaining. I believe most of the people whether suffering from pregnancy or not do dream of getting off at that instant at the same time having afternoon tea at the east side of Taipei. Nope, not coming true. Just gotta face what I called the reality of life.
Of course the house is quite big and we do need more people to fill in. The old chinese saying is the more people in the house the better the live of the house. Not to mention, I have already tied the knot. So I have realize I am not suppose to bring a shitty face back home when I am tired or pissed off at you. Or pissed off at myself. I am just not getting used to the fact that I have to live with complete strangers, other than you of course. I am just not used to it yet after 16 days of this new life. Well, nobody seems to be hearing my feelings so my blog might as well do. Can I wash my clothes at my own pace? Can I do a lot of things out of my will? I am still trying to get used to it. Great, not yet. Just thought of another thing, how long has it been since the last time we set foot in the movie theater? I don't even remember!
I understand all of my complaints and probably these murmuring are just complaints. I will enventually get it off. As I start to realize what is really needed to be "realized", I am torn between understanding and realizing.
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  • 個人分類:飄楓若語
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  • 3月 21 週三 200713:23
  • 心.自己的重要責任

現在覺得一個人的心是自己的責任. 我有責任去維護它, 保護它. 讓它受傷了, 一定是我的城池不夠堅強穩固, 或是任意讓人進出. 我要負責. 強垮了, 要花時間去修補. 漏洞了, 要想辦法去填滿. 鑰駛給了, 要想辦法去換鎖. 自己要對自己維護自己的責任負責.
2006/10/31
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  • 個人分類:飄楓若語
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  • 3月 21 週三 200713:22
  • 淡.無言

有好幾個月了,但是最近我發覺我的人生好像籠罩在灰濛濛的霧裡. 連我自己也摸不清楚方向. 呵, 怎是這樣?
現在才終於發現, 當我需要時, 依靠的人還是只有自己. 有誰能真正願意去了解我的感受和需要的理由? 真的, 只有自己.
現在也才終於知道, 這些話有多傷人. 是被劃傷了嗎? 還是刺痛了? 就算解釋, 就算是氣話, 總是在我腦海中揮之不去. 是我, 我只能躲在自己的小角落裡, 靜靜的想. 怎麼會變這樣子?
依稀記得, 好開心. 很驚訝, 很開心. 感覺, 逐漸依稀. 漸漸, 柔情和五月花變成我最好的朋友. 真的很懷念, 那些不久的從前. 沒有眼淚的從前.
我還好, 就是生活中多了眼淚的日子. 我只是深感對不起的是我的寶貝. 對不起, 我的兩天一次的痛哭掉淚, 一定讓你覺得煩悶, 既然我們現在這樣相連, 你有點倒楣的必須與我一同悲喜. 為了你, 我試過告訴自己快樂, 而這口號卻總被打散. 我真的也不願. 我很對不起你, 我會自己努力. 記得嘛? 我告訴過你花蓮的計畫. 我們以後可以有的計畫. 如果你不喜歡那裡, 我們還有第二個選擇. 一樣, 我們可以很快樂. 伴山伴水的日子, 沒有傷人的話語. 鳥啼聲我想我們會喜歡的.
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  • 個人分類:飄楓若語
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  • 3月 21 週三 200713:20
  • 責任法律化制度的逃.避.者

常常聽到人說, 有些人交往很久了, 結婚已無必要, 並且愛情是婚姻的墳墓. 墳墓? 老實說, 若相處已久, 你還能保持愛情的熱度? 像最初那般? 別騙我了, 習慣和膩是人的本質. 若你交往十年還是保持當初的激情都毫無改變的話, 那可能是赫爾蒙分泌過盛, 需要看內科就診內分泌失調疾病.
我認為, 逃避及avoid婚姻的人, 是責任法律化制度的逃避者. 這是什麼制度? 當你簽了那一紙合約, 你就有法律上得責任了. 而, 相處的附帶規範, 是責任. 當你簽了那一紙合約, 則是把這責任帶入合法程序, 既, 觸法, 則有罰責.
最近, 才深深的體會到, 已不能說走就走. 無法律約範的你我, 本有著拂袖而去的權力. 每一個人都可以是揮一揮衣袖不帶走一片雲彩的徐志摩. 若你我真的選擇合法化, 可能連余光中都不是了.
那一紙合約, 簽下了什麼? 簽下了兩人密切相處的必要, 當然也帶來了正當性(這依舊是一個帶點舊觀念的社會). 簽下了兩個家庭真正且必須的結合. 簽下了兩人一生扛著擔子的工作. 簽下了兩個截然不同生活的融合及改變. 簽下了不離不棄. 簽下了一個綁約性的投資, 投資產品是對方, 投資期限是未破局以前的一輩子. 簽下了最最最重要的"責.任" Our responsibility to each other, to the bondings of each other and to all the connection linked to each other. 當然, 我敢說, 甘之如飴. 這樣子的合約, 給了人生另外一個旅程, 給了自己跳躍式的成長, 給了生活更沉穩紮實的重心和方向. 我選擇, 因為我敢面對責任, 我也敢面對責任法律化帶來的權力及罰責. 因為它帶來的影響甚大. 所以, 我更必須小心的去呵護這個約束, 去尊重這個約束, 及去善待這個約束裡面所列出的關係人. 這是我最有信心的選擇.
而選擇不簽那紙合約的人, 反之當有很多權力. 他可以做徐志摩, 他時時刻刻都可以做詩人, 他更可以說走就走. 但是我相信他不敢面對那紙合約帶來的責任. 是麻煩? 如果你在一開始就覺得有破局的可能, 那是個麻煩, 因為解約的程序和心路歷程是個折磨. 如果你會觸犯這只合約背後的法律, 那也是個麻煩, 理由如上, 還加上可能失去人生自由讓國家奉養你.
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  • 個人分類:飄楓若語
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  • 3月 21 週三 200713:18
  • 放肆當下? 還是活.在.當.下?

今天, 有個好姊妹問我, "爲什麼, 有些人可以沒有感覺了之後就走? 而可以不顧到另一個人的感受嗎?" 是啊! 在現在的世界裡,感情,似乎是廉價的. 所有的承諾,似乎都可以是一時快樂的話語. 不是有一句鼓勵人的話嗎? "活在當下!" 呵,我想,這真是個錯誤的解讀吧! 大師們聽到這一句話讓世人淋瀝盡至的徹悟到如此貫徹始終的地步,我想,會當場昏倒吧... 世事皆有因緣,也皆有因果. 有因,此必有果. "活在當下"的當下,是會隨著你帶著一起去以後的. 有些人,不太明瞭大師們所要我們頓悟的方向. 六道眾生皆有情,有情眾生皆有迷惑之時.
對於好姊妹的問題, 我簡單回答: "因尚未尋找到自己的方向,尚未了解到自己需要什麼,並且尚未穩定" 她舉了例,說她的朋友的男友,轉了一圈卻走到了那可憐朋友的妹妹身邊. 糟糕,這樣子的例子,好像在太陽花還是某花系列的劇集中演過,也充刺在我們的身邊. 我說,道德觀並未建立清楚吧! 之前,並未遇過這樣子的例子,但是,是有過朋友與前任類似的情況. 雖說,並非交心好友,但,總是熟識多年吧. 如此情形,能說什麼呢? 當然,沒必要假惺惺的祝福. 所以,還不如冷眼看待. 這樣子的人,總得保持距離吧. 前一陣子也聽說,某個溫哥華的女生,跟了她前任男友的多年熟識好友在一起. 我說了句"吃相難看". 何必呢? 何必讓人落個罵名. 而且,聽說並非僅此一位. 這樣子的事件依依重演,讓我想到多年前紅透半天的影集, BEVERLY HILLS 90210,非得要世界演變的那麼複雜,每個誰都一定要跟每個誰牽連. 我想,是因為都太自我了吧. 只要是想做的,有什麼不可以. 李明依早在十幾年前就對這個世界宣示不是嗎? 可是,那個界線呢? 有沒有界線? 該有吧.
她也問了,感情不該是沒有對錯的嗎? 對錯,對感情來說是太膚淺的字語. 所謂的感情,或是一般通俗所知的愛情,並非"迷戀". 當我們迷戀時,會不顧一切的投入,而愛情(感情)是出現在迷戀過後真正清醒的時候,你發現,你是愛他的. 愛情也包括了責任. 責任,也是人學習的課題. 愛情,不巧的包括責任在內.
說實,我也曾迷失過,我也曾錯過. 但,隨著人生起落,隨著跌撞,隨著傷逝,終於明瞭到"尊重". 看透徹了之後,在也不可能回到當初的狂. 轉變成了專. 道德觀,自制力,看透徹是這一段旅程的最佳獎勵. 而我,希望得到更多. 那些未得到這三項獎勵的朋友們,終會得到. 雖然,我們的人生還很長,但路已漸漸變短. 在想回頭之前,轉念吧!
雖然,我們的路並非風平浪靜. 若沒有風臨浪嘯,又如何感到安穩的恬靜. 我們,也不會萃煉成珍惜. 也許,有一天我們不在迷戀,但,到了那一天,我對你,是愛情至感情而化最難得的親情. 或許,在我們未發現之時,我們已過了迷戀的風景,已到了下一個景點. 呵,至少,我看過了你每一面,每一個樣子,在我心裡,你依舊帥氣.
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  • 個人分類:飄楓若語
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  • 3月 21 週三 200713:18
  • 我的.底.線

每個人心裡都有一個底線. 對每件事的底線不同. 到了那個底線, 就得考慮要拉近在拉近一點, 還是直接轉身. 等待等待在等待, 不知道是缺乏耐性, 還是眼看就要逼近底線而著急. 總之, 沒有確實的事情, 就是在霧裡看花. 你怎麼看, 也模糊失焦; 你怎麼摸, 也似是而非; 你怎麼想, 也雜亂無章. 爲什麼? 因為沒有確實的頭緒來看, 來摸, 來想. 所以, 心裡就像在海浪裡的小船, 浮浮載載. 旁邊總有人說前邊有燈塔, 你依著他指的方向看去, 像是看的到光, 卻總看不到那個踏實的塔. 越看不到, 越想放棄.
2006/7/13
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  • 個人分類:飄楓若語
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  • 3月 21 週三 200713:16
  • 舊作.未整理之一

"If the building blocks of our relationship is incongruent, then we have to work out the kinks so they will match perfectly"
-MSN Name: Jan. 2006 Pieces tied together-> to cat...
Perfectly Imperfect [看破事情的表面, 樸實不華的真實便會呈現在眼底. 那時, 眼中的世界才會真實起來.]
2006/4/10
MSN Name: Is compromising a way to carry on? Or is compromising a slow kill to the relationship?
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  • 個人分類:飄楓若語
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